You know we all seem so sure when we are in the presence of darkness. We usually don’t doubt it for one second. And yet how easily we dismiss the light of others in our lives or, worse still, allow others to throw shade who don’t got nothing to do with God’s purpose between you and somebody else.
We had no idea of knowing that those were the innocent days that we would never see again. A time in the hearts of hopeful children when race really did not matter.
You have to be willing to accept for yourself that you are either a new creature in Christ or you are not. Nobody else can do that for you. And once you do accept it, nobody can separate you from what that means to your new life; not even by bringing up doubts based upon your old life.
After reading her text I was left with a question to myself: What is it about so many of us that we tend to take better care of others then we do our own selves?
Over the years the corner was my comfort zone, kept me cool, calm and collected. Kept me safe and content. I was a slave, my fears were the whip that kept me in line, kept me quiet.
I bless God for you being a mentor, a counselor, a big brother and so much more.
I don’t know if you realize how much of a endangered species a brother like you is compared to all the crap we usually have to put up with so I can’t blame a sister for trying
He never was violent toward me. He was always respectful. But he was so spoiled by his mama that he was lazy. It felt like other than me having a baby I was the man and I was taking care of a woman.
I don’t know how you do it and keep a positive mind or a good heart because I know I am not the only one who do what I did. I guess I can only be thankful that you keep doing what you do
The thing you need to understand first is that religion and faith are two different things. Religion requires a name and a book. Faith requires only a yearning for the wisdom of God and a willingness to accept it. Jesus said I will leave you a comforter- an inner spirit to guide you to all truths.
Caregiving was at times challenging for me because, in never having given birth to any children, I was new at not only now parenting, but at my child actually being my mother. Wow! Thank you for in a sense having co-parented with me through countless phone calls and emails.
I remember when I was in high school a Jamaican acapella choir came to perform and they sang a song that basically said that if you want to be happy it is better to marry a girl uglier than you. We all laughed about it. But the truth is, just like there are a lot of women who cannot handle the fact that my work exposes me to many women, there are a lot of men who avoid the drama that comes with a woman that is either too beautiful or too vain.
Do you even realize how potent your words are to a sister like me who has never imagined a brother like you existed? I have to keep telling myself this is only the internet but that excuse does not work when the words I read are so real. I don’t want you to think I am a stalker but I am so in love with the person that you are. You are my daily breath of fresh air after dealing with the majority of the male bull sh*t on this site. I would have already closed my profile by now except for the fact that I check every day at lunch to see if you posted something new.
I have the same problem with ALL promiscuous people regardless of their sexuality. It breaks my heart that they cannot love themselves enough to see how beautifully and wonderfully made their lives are. Some of your profiles make me weep when I see you half naked looking for love. But then how can you expect gay and transsexual people to act any different when half of us hate on them without even wanting to know who they are?
I am a church going lady but if I had to pay you for every time you called me out and stepped on my toes I would be broke. Sometimes it is easier to go hear a sermon than to read some of your answers to people. Not because you are mean, even though you do bring it when you need to, but because you are real.
Nobody owes you anything that you do not first owe to yourself and what you first give to yourself, no man can take away. I always say, I might die broke. I might die alone. I might die with people calling me everything but a child of God. But I will die with DIGNITY. I will not compromise who I am just so somebody else can make me feel like somebody. I am somebody because God made me somebody.
What I didn’t know is he tried to continue that fight with you online over the whole week I didn’t hear from him and how much that fight with you would bring him back to me as a very changed man. You know the rest of the story. Six months later we got married and you were there. My hubby invited you and you didn’t turn him down.
Men are very sensitive to being indebted to a woman even if he owes everything to her, the moment he feels like you would ever speak that truth or you get into an argument where you start to list anything you have done for him in anger or with an attitude, you have lost him.
You are 25 years old. You are not a child. But what you did was not something a grown woman should have done. If you still live at home, you live by the rules of that house. It don’t matter what you think is fair. If you broke those rules and tried to hide it, then they have every right to throw you out. And if they are wrong, then you still need to start making a life for yourself.
I have learned that love must always be embraced with the wonder of a child; that the more freely and without fear two people are able to set aside past pains, that the walls between them fall flat and become the foundation of faith and truth upon which a home is built wherein an unfailing love is eternally warmed by the fire of spirit filled wisdom.
I have friends who have been gay from the day they were born and have never changed their sexuality because it is not possible for them. I am just saying that the majority of folks practice a sexuality of convenience. Most of it is really a result of broken families where people are just looking for love anywhere they think they can find it…
NEO, my husband tripping cuz me and my ex are really close. I mean we got kids together so I like to know wuts going on with him so I know the kids are cool when they go stay with him. I say he being jealous and unreasonable. Am I wrong? -BELINDA
Men and women who feel safe enough to be friends often get too comfortable in that safety and start relying on each other on levels that should be reserved for mates and that is not healthy because levels of expectations are created which set the friendship up for challenges when someone finally finds a mate.
Being unequally yoked is not just a religious term, it is also a practical one. You should be able to enjoy the things you love with the person you love. It’s different if unforeseeable circumstances cause things to change but I would not deliberately put myself in a committed relationship with anyone incompatible with areas very important to me.
How come my girlfriends can be so quick to replace a man but I been single for 2 years and can’t seem to find one decent man to get with. They get mad trying to hook me up telling me I am too picky and I am alone because I want to be. Neo that is not true. The guys they deal with think that if they sex you good and give you money you should be happy and I need more than that.
In my experience, where masturbation becomes dangerous is when it escalates and sustains desires toward someone you have no moral justification to ever be with that way. It ramps things up to the point where if given the opportunity, you will involve yourself with a situation unhealthy to your spirit. Only the individual knows when this is true.
I do get weary sometimes when so many cry for help but really don’t want the help that is best for them. I’m sure it won’t change what I do the next time a situation like this comes up. I never could really keep myself from diving in heart first sometimes. But every once in a while, on days like this, I miss the feel of loving arms around me with smiling eyes that say, even though I already know… that at least I tried.
I have heard many women say and listened as they have been told to “wait on tha lawd” for a good man. But I think there is a lot of confusion as to what that really means. We are drawn to Bible stories of prophets and angels and people being told where to go and when. But that was then and this is now. Plus not everything man interprets as God is really God even if it is written in the book you call the Bible. God is not in the matchmaking business. God does not specifically choose to raise up or send a man to you. As much as it makes people feel good to want to believe that, you need to understand that God is not a respecter of persons no more than the rain or snow chooses not to fall on you when you forget your umbrella or your coat.
Just because we have a right to say or want something don’t always make it the wisest thing to say or do. At the same time there is nothing wrong with saying what you find attractive as long as you understand that the outward appearance does not define the character of the person inside. Beauty is not only in the eye of the beholder but is truly only skin deep while ugliness runs to the bone. The world will never truly be color blind, but you also can’t afford to be stuck on color stupid such that you overlook blessings standing right in front of you.
I used to teach in my counseling classes that there is a reason that a lifeguard throws you a life ring. Because a panicked person can’t drown a life ring but they can drown YOU. I don’t care how strong a swimmer you are, you can’t drink that much water fighting somebody you trying to save. That’s also why the first thing a rescuer says when running into a situation by themselves is “Call 911”. That is for several reasons. In case the person don’t grab on to the life ring. In case the person drown. In case the person drown you. And in case you got to bust them upside the head in order to save them. The time of rescue is not the time for relationships.
It kind of reminds me of that scene from the Matrix Trilogy when The Oracle says “We can never see past the choices we don’t understand” and Neo says “Are you saying I have to choose whether Trinity lives or dies?” and The Oracle replies “No, you’ve already made the choice. Now you have to understand it.” So many of our choices that have led to stress in our lives were made long ago. The stress is in understanding why. Once we begin this process of discovery, we can start to have peace through knowing what needs to change and how to change it if only within ourselves.
NEO why is it so hard to find a man who ain’t just full of lies? I mean they step at you like they got it all together and as soon as you close you find out they just fake?
NEO, I just feel like right now…I only have my heart and love to offer…am I wrong for putting my love life on hold until I get back up on my feet? He’s willing to stick by me but I feel inadequate. ..
NEO, my question is how do you stay with somebody you discover you really don’t love and don’t really love you after you meet someone you know is meant for you?
I think that if someone is worth moving closer to then take the time to find a job and your own place and establish yourself there with the understanding that at the end of that year, you should be headed for marriage.
I will only say that the only single mom I know who got pregnant by keeping her clothes on gave birth to Jesus and she still managed to attract a good man. All your friend is going to attract are repeat offenders but she is the one, like every other single mom, who will end up serving the life sentence each time.
A young lady on my page is 19 years old and asked a simple question last night, “Am I pretty?”. Within minutes a 30 year old dude chimes in and says “No. You sexy”.
What happens far too often in our community is we have unprotected sex for lustful reasons without consideration that a child needs the love and support of both the parents WHO ACTUALLY MADE THEM, then we decide after the fact that person is really not for us so we all keep trading mates until we get what we want- forget that we just totally screwed over a child for our own selfish reasons and then wonder why so many of our kids are so messed up.
Neo, I feel like I have so much anger in me and dont know how to deal with it. Its just like how do I go day by day with a smile on my face around everyone but on the inside I know he damaged me
You need to look at your surroundings and ask yourself if you are truly embedded within a group of toxic people. If so, there is a reason that Jesus said let the dead bury the dead. Sometimes you truly have to just come out from amongst the foolishness.
You know sometimes when you got a deep problem it hard to want to go talk to somebody in church because all they want to do is give you a Bible verse and pray and then you feel stupid like they perfect and something must be wrong with you.
I won’t lie. I got what I wanted. But I got a lot of lies too, a lot of baby mama drama and wifes calling my phone.
I found one of your newspaper articles from a few years ago where you mentioned four areas that single people need to look at before getting into a relationship but now I can’t seem to locate it online again. I wanted to save those points. Can you share them again?
when you “touch a nerve” I’m forced to stop and take a moment to at the very least acknowledge that there are some I need to face or consider…
If it is not too personal, can I ask you how you handle being single and not giving in to just wanting to have somebody close sometimes?
I hope you will share this because what I would like to say in case nobody has said it to you lately is THANK YOU.
I have a friend who is n a situation with her x. She still loves him but yet he doesnt tell her how he feels. They break up over a txt, but yet he still contacts her.
My daughter is 15 and her dad lives over 300 miles away. Her dad & I had the birds & bees talk with her together. I think that it went very well. But because her dad has not fully grown up to real man status & is not here for when she begins to date I need to know how to protect her from making the same mistakes that I made.
I was born with discernment. It always scared the adults around me because there was nothing they could hide from me even as a child so it took away my childhood innocence very early. It also scares the women in my life because I know them so well long before they even open their mouth.
You can’t flirt or beg somebody into loving you. You can’t pay their cab, bus, train, or plane ticket into loving you. You can’t pay their bills into loving you. All those things do is leave you broke, used, angry, and confused.
I have seen many of my friends ruin the potential of a new beginning by getting that itch scratched by a flea bitten ex they shoulda neva laid back down with.
A simple email encounter with a lesson inside.
No one is responsible for your happiness but you. Others can only bring their own to add to yours and enhance the flavor of both lives.
There are just some things you cannot expect someone to commit to until after you get your act together. It doesn’t mean his feelings weren’t real. But sometimes you have to face the truer reality and that is a person’s needs don’t end just because you not in a position to meet them.
Then a conversation came about us having sex…I made a comment about two big ppl sturggling to have great sex. So, he asked that we see how it is and I of course agreed, cause I wanted too. I ended up pregnant. After the baby was born, he kinda step away and we had words which stopped us from communicating.
If you have a need to control your depth of love for someone, you simply don’t trust yourself, and that may be for very good reasons.
You should stop being so desperate that you are willing to accept getting into situations where you don’t want to know the truth. I just don’t think you women are that stupid. But I do think some of you are delusional enough to believe you can give a man your body and your money and think that is enough to make him change the situation he in and all you end up doing is hurting yourself because even if he do leave one situation for you, he already showed you what kind of man he is.
God led you to me at the appropriate time and God led you away from me at the right time so I wouldn’t become totally dependent on you which I could feel was beginning to happen. I appreciate you, and will always love your mind. You have an awesome (one of a kind) brilliant mind. Thank you for having briefly shared it with me. I am a much better and stronger person for God having worked through you to reach me because you forced me to listen.
When you fight a friend over a principle, they don’t see the point, they only see you. When they run out of words to fight over, they are left only with echoes of what was said. And eventually, because words spoken and received emotionally imprint the deepest, they have no choice but to see them for what was truly said. And that is why it is better to be silent than to speak recklessly in anger.
It sounds like you both need to have a heart to heart putting all your issues and fears on the table and then come up with a plan to face them together so that they are no longer obstacles to the future the two of you could so happily have. But you both have to be willing to do it.
Neo, people might want to say you crazy but you been this deep the whole part of life I have known you. You always were the one to go head first into learning and then the first one to notice when something not quite right when everybody else wanted you to shut up. I’m glad you never shut up. I’m alive today because you never shut up.
Are you being too picky? Who am I to say? We all have a right to say for ourselves what we require to have peace in our lives. Your sibling’s mates may drive you crazy but there is always someone out there who is made to love somebody , even them, and even you.