May I ask you a question about someone I met online?
We began talking the middle of Fall ’09 and have pretty much chatted everyday until I gave my number after the new year. Since then, we have talked daily and decided to meet in. (We decided a mid-way point since we are some distance from each other). I feel (and have told him) he is a good man due to the content of our conversations; how he takes care of his children, works, has a car & home, kind, relationship w/the Lord, up on current affairs. We hold long, detailed conversations about EVERYTHING from politics, money management to sex. Sounds pretty good, huh?!?!? Well,…..a week before we were to meet, his grandmother suddenly became ill and he didn’t think we would be able to meet. On the way back home, he had car trouble that he had to ‘dip’ in his ‘mad-money’ for repairs to where he wasn’t sure if we were going to be able to meet. He wanted to finance my entire trip which is noble but I told him I would help out – no problem. I had some ‘mad money’ of my own and felt it was no problem. NOW all of a sudden, there is an issue with the ex, who is the mother of his children, who has threatened to take the children out of town by/ before summer. MAD DRAMA!!
My issue is that I offered my support through this alleged ordeal and have yet to hear from him. He said he is not ‘dissin’ me, but his main focus is on how he is to keep his children in town. Like I said, he would call me on his way to work at night and then maybe around 1 or 2pm almost every day and now it’s been 3 days with NO contact. I text – no response. I saw him online yesterday, sent him a quick ‘G’morning! How R U?’, and he quickly went offline – WTF?!?!? I am being VERY mindful not to overwhelm him and come off as a nag, but I don’t like this situation – it’s crazy?!?! How can I lend my support if you won’t tell me what you need?
Sir, from a man’s view, what is really going on? I have this feeling – which has NEVER steered me wrong – but, due to a past relationship and allowing myself to be hurt, I don’t want to just push him off/ let him go. He is the 1st man I’ve even considered taking this wall down from around my heart. I don’t want to set myself up to be played, but at the same time, I just don’t know. I’m considering sending him a message in his inbox to see what the deal is. Can you please help a sister out?
MY ANSWER: You are being played and used as an emotional outlet for a married man dissatisfied with his marriage but for many reasons cannot let it go. I have seen it many times. A man who is really feeling you will usually meet you within a month with that kind of distance and will have already invited you to come see him at your convenience. This is not a “free” man you are talking to but a man who is emotionally using you instead of truly handling his bizness. Cut the cord before this gets ugly. There is no honor or satisfaction in you asking, investigating, offering, or wanting to say anything else. For your own good, get out. And next time ask me or another man BEFORE you let it get so deep. I coulda told you after the first month. Unless a man is in the military and deployed over seas, he is NOT gonna feel a woman like that and not make plans in less than 60 days unless he is hiding another “complicated” situation or truly does not have it together and waiting for someone GULLIBLE enough to start going into their Mad Money to carry him… which will then be only the beginning of a slow and steady financial and emotional drain. Get OUT while you still have the sense to question. And if you can block his number do it. Baby such slow fires can leave glowing embers that can make you act stupid on the wrong day. Just protect yourself and hold NO MORE conversations. If you need somebody to kick some sense into your butt, let me know… but I am also here for that hug if you ever need it. ~NEO
HER REPLY: he is out the phone and everything…. I told my sister and she has deleted his numbers, pics, messages, everything!! we R about 2 ‘exhale’ and watch wrestlemania – lol!! We normally talk to our father, but he recently passed and we don’t have brothers. our male friends are dogs and MAY not have given us the truth. I knew I could talk 2 U due 2 your posts. U have helped more than U know…
Thanks again… LKG