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PART II: On The Day I Died

Mid morning came and I signed off on the papers also giving my friend authority to make decisions for me. She walked alongside my gurney toward the O.R. up until the waiting room where they told her they would come to her in about an hour to join me in recovery.

It’s Not Easy

Over the past year I have gotten many letters asking me what it is like being the one with answers for so many people who come to me for advice and how does it affect my life. The hardest part about being who I am is how much I hate being right. In my book EPIPHANY:...

A LETTER: What Motivates Neo?

NEO, I just read a post about the blessing you have been to single moms. I am new to your page and to your writing and I just want to say God bless you. I also looked at your website and I see I have a lot of catching up to do. I have been blessed by what I have read...

Love and Trust

“I have said this in many ways before but it bears repeating. Life is not about trusting others. It is about trusting yourself to know what is right for you. Most times we are hurt by the lies we tell to our own face, more than the lies of others. So if you...

Speaking of Ray Rice

The Ray Rice situation has been on my heart for a while. In everything you read, I have been an advocate for women. And yet the most horrific experience in my life was being arrested and charged with domestic violence. I was unknowingly with a mentally unstable woman...

Real Fears No Competition

NEO, I am not too proud to admit I would be scared to date somebody like you . I would feel like there is too much competition all the time. -VETTE MY REPLY: I remember Chris Rock making the joke that even J.J. from Good Times could get any girl he wanted. That was a...

A Ram In The Bush

So tonight I thought I would do something I have done rarely for the past few years and that is to go for some fast food. If you have been around reading for a while you know that I love to cook. When I was married I did the food shopping and most of the cooking and...

Fulfilling The Mission

During my freshman year, as an undergraduate English and Education Major, I was a very serious student- a little too serious for most. Even I had to laugh when reading the letter that is in the Ask Dr Blaqness section of my website called “Speechless” when...

No Tights Required

I have always been accused of having my father’s stubborn discipline and my mother’s relentless heart. I suppose, for a man, that can make for a dangerous combination. I grew up watching my mother do so much for others when we had so much less. Less money....

Finding Your Own Way

I have learned as I have grown older that your family only knows your history- where you been. Your friends know who you are- the person you let them see. Everybody else only knows what they want to believe. But at the end of the day, only you know where you are...

If Love Begins With L, Why Do We Start by Chasing The O

The friends I have with permanent STD’s didn’t get them by being deliberately promiscuous. Most got them from compromising themselves at a point of loneliness or weakness and now have to live with that for the rest of their lives. And even when the result wasn’t an STD but an unplanned pregnancy, it is still hard to look a child in the eye knowing that either your lust or your loneliness created a life that should have been made out of love.

Snow Day

Sometimes, I don’t know who to feel sorrier for-my friends who have no idea what a day like this can be, or for myself and others who, when faced with such a day alone, truly know what we are missing.

Apparuit Nigrum

As I grow older, well meaning women wonder why I deny them the company of our wiser years together. But Golden Years are not meant for me. I will be a father til I die. There is no rocking chair for me, no retirement party in my future, no sunset days where it will be only you and me.

So Raise Your Glass

I have traveled a long way to finally being me. And I lost two women who married me who deserved to know that the direction of my life would outgrow what we would be capable of remaining. If I had known that, I would have never married them. But had I never married them, I would not be the man that those experiences have taught me to become.

Bass Ackward Black Values

That is not to say that it is wrong to want more. But for that, you always have to consider the price, and whether or not it is worth paying it…. Extra work hours and child raised by strangers and the TV just so you can have a fancier house or car and you wonder why your child’s values are so messed up.

Geeze Louise

“I had to really laugh at myself today as I vividly recalled being a young boy  riding the city bus with my mother to clean up the home of an elderly woman suffering dementia which was not as well known as Alzheimer’s is today. We were sitting down to...

Rush to Judgement

Bobby reminded me today by saying “you got the gift to take the small words I know and make them beautiful in a way that people will listen and understand. And you got the heart and respect to do it right. That is why I check on you. I ain’t want nuthin. Just seeing how you was.”

Close That Door

I have had so many reasons in my life lately to think about that time in my childhood and how much we really don’t stop to consider the energy it costs someone when we stand in the doorway of decisions letting out the cool to the summer heat or the warm to the winter cold not realizing the bill we are running up in the home, heart, and mind of someone else who has to pay it.

Livin Large- On Subsistence?

Now we are so addicted to whatever the government hands us that we think we doing something and think we got our own when in reality we are the ones owned and enslaved by Section 8, and WIC, and Food Stamps. It has become our new slavery and social services has become our new overseers as we tell them all our business to keep getting a check.


People often ask me what is it that I find so appealing about autumn? Is it the color of the leaves? The briskness of the air? The grey cloudy skies? The coming of the winter snow?

The Epitathe of Real Men

You sistahs got to stick together and stop hatin on each other and stop thieving from each other over these worthless men who don’t value nuthin but controlling you and gettin in your pants. You already should know that if you can steal him, you can’t keep him.


A generation later we have gotten so hooked on laughing at the reruns that we forgot that our liberties are steady being assassinated, the hate speech is back stronger than ever, but they still don’t mind handing our sons and daughters guns to go do their dirty work in the name of protecting a freedom that nobody overseas is threatening any greater than what they are doing to us with their own legislation.

Sometimes You Just Don’t Know

The angels of hood survival always wore crooked halos or knock off victoria secret wings but they never pretended to be anything more than what they was. When they dropped out for a few weeks to several months you knew either somebody couldn’t come up with the bail money or they was just locked up for a while.

No, Never Alone

It is, perhaps, the noblest character of man, that we should continue to desire to share love despite our abuse of the same when we receive it. In this we are indeed the proverbial fallen fruits of our father tho not so far from the tree in that we continue to share our love for the very same reasons that we yet live.

The Never Ending Echo- Ghosts of Internet Past

These were the days when people still sneaked into liquor stores, parked their cars in dark back parking lots late at night to visit the porn shop, and waited til the video store was empty to race into the adult section and get out before the Deacon returned his movies. A lot of people never knew who they were really married to until their mate got caught at something. I guess that is still true to some extent today except the internet leaves evidence forever- long after you got saved and moved to another town.

The Reality of Real Men

A healthy fear of my life from my father did wonders for six children. But that doesn’t work when you trying to be your kid’s “friend” and you trying to give them everything you didn’t have and spoiling them in the process. By the time you realize what you have done, you have run the “real man” out of your life and your kids have been suspended and in custody more times than you can count.

Avoid Dating These Triplets

I make it a point to always eat before I go grocery shopping. A full stomach helps you to think more clearly about the money you are about to spend. In that same mindset, I have learned that, if you truly are looking for a long term relationship, there are three types of people to stay away from: Horny, Lonely, and Needy.

The Doing of Love

Today it seems we strive to be so much in love with ourselves that we drive everywhere with our face in the mirror complaining that someone needs to fix the bumpy road and clueless that those bumps are actually the people we are running over.

What’s In a Name?

It seemed to me that unless you were straight off the boat and black, any attempt at a self-identity apart from what was bred into you was ridiculed and seen as a threat with even black families getting upset when their sons and daughters dropped their white “Christian” name when joining the Nation of Islam or radio hosts like Rush Limbaugh clowned Kwanzaa as a “made up holiday” as though the descendants of former slaves have no right to the dignity of restoring their own heritage as best they can.

Post Mortem

Years ago, as a very young man much too old for his time, I was dating a neighborhood girl who literally had sex on the brain. Every single time we were around each other, that is what she wanted. Looking back, perhaps that is how she was taught she needed to be in...


CLICK BELOW TO LISTEN GLIMMER by Neo Blaqness There is a joy I try to live by and that I endeavor to share with every soul I have been blessed to encounter; To try to be at least that one human being to understand the reasons for the absence of joy in the life of...

The Rinse

Have you ever stopped to ponder the negativity you receive from some when you admit that you are meeting or are chatting with a person you met online? Almost inevitably comes the warning of fakes, frauds, and axe murderers masquerading as decent people and the high...

I Refuse To Be Lonely

Never go grocery shopping when you are hungry. I learned that piece of wisdom only after I had blown twice my budget rushing to get food in the house before a snowstorm. I think the same principle needs to be applied to when you are lonely. The emotion of loneliness...

Priorities and Options

I have recently had the occasion to browse through some online profiles and have found the phrase repeating through quite a few as a tag line: “Never make someone a priority who views you as an option”- or something to that effect. On its face it does look...