is the mark of slavery
and used to justify
every no good thing against us.
You would think that because it has happened to me so many times in my life, that it wouldn’t bother me so much. Most times it does not
“One thing I want you to remember… when a man is convinced he is going to die, he will usually find a way to make it happen.”
The same thing happens when we are ignorant of our history. The conclusions we draw are far from the reality of the pictures we paint in our minds.
Now I was being presented with REASON. But was it reason enough to choose to live. What would really change by turning back toward life?
It is the ultimate judgement upon its life that a soul will awaken to see the fruit born of substance that it added to existence still being remembered by those yet alive.
When we sleep, it is not for the sake of our bodies, but for the sanity of our minds. As long as we get proper nutrition and rest from physical activities, the body itself can manage without sleep, but a lack of sleep will eventually drive us insane.
When Christians are taught that the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much, it is a beautiful saying. But there is a science to prayer in the same way that some religions chant to reach a certain state of mind.
Mid morning came and I signed off on the papers also giving my friend authority to make decisions for me. She walked alongside my gurney toward the O.R. up until the waiting room where they told her they would come to her in about an hour to join me in recovery.
I knew not to chance it. I was warned the last time that I had been only millimeters from emergency back surgery. The nature of the situation was such that the discs could slip into the spinal cord and trigger life threatening signals to my brain and throughout my body.
People will always try to entice you to live in their past. But you have to be wise enough to know there is no future on that path.
When dad whooped us, we knew exactly why because he never came out of his feelings with it. It was never personal except to drive home the point. There was no hug later. There was instead an expectation that he would not have to do it again.
The friends I have with permanent STD’s didn’t get them by being deliberately promiscuous. Most got them from compromising themselves at a point of loneliness or weakness and now have to live with that for the rest of their lives. And even when the result wasn’t an STD but an unplanned pregnancy, it is still hard to look a child in the eye knowing that either your lust or your loneliness created a life that should have been made out of love.
Holy people give me the creeps. But, in my experience, those who truly understand grace, are more likely to extend mercy to others with humility of spirit.
We are all, often, our own worst enemy but it would seem, more so with women. I especially laugh when one of my female friends say “well you knew I was wrong and not acting right, why did you let me do it?” like I have some kind of magic powers to stop them from doing what they have chosen to do.
I understand exactly why so many black women have given up on black men because, based on my experience, I would have given up on black women except for these things
It is never good to give anybody the sense that they can ask you anything just to be asking.
Sometimes, I don’t know who to feel sorrier for-my friends who have no idea what a day like this can be, or for myself and others who, when faced with such a day alone, truly know what we are missing.
As I grow older, well meaning women wonder why I deny them the company of our wiser years together. But Golden Years are not meant for me. I will be a father til I die. There is no rocking chair for me, no retirement party in my future, no sunset days where it will be only you and me.
I have traveled a long way to finally being me. And I lost two women who married me who deserved to know that the direction of my life would outgrow what we would be capable of remaining. If I had known that, I would have never married them. But had I never married them, I would not be the man that those experiences have taught me to become.
It isn’t about everything being suddenly right with the world, but setting things right within your own heart and mind so that you are prepared to confront this New Year with courage in spirit and in truth…
you have heard me say over and over again that the church is WHO WE ARE and not no preacher or building. The church is the fellowship we share even in a place like this. The church is ANYWHERE we choose to be used by God.
When there is always somebody online who will lie to you and tell you that you are right just to get in your pants, the relationship in front of you doesn’t stand a chance. In the absence of real mothers and fathers, the conscience of relationships has now reached a the new low of whatever the friends list thinks.
That is not to say that it is wrong to want more. But for that, you always have to consider the price, and whether or not it is worth paying it…. Extra work hours and child raised by strangers and the TV just so you can have a fancier house or car and you wonder why your child’s values are so messed up.
If you have never known the responsibility that comes with great gifts or a calling, it is very easy to misunderstand the one who has chosen to be a servant to it- easy to become an obstacle instead of a partner in it- easy to say “this is not what I signed up for”.
Bobby reminded me today by saying “you got the gift to take the small words I know and make them beautiful in a way that people will listen and understand. And you got the heart and respect to do it right. That is why I check on you. I ain’t want nuthin. Just seeing how you was.”
I have had so many reasons in my life lately to think about that time in my childhood and how much we really don’t stop to consider the energy it costs someone when we stand in the doorway of decisions letting out the cool to the summer heat or the warm to the winter cold not realizing the bill we are running up in the home, heart, and mind of someone else who has to pay it.
I have learned that the Creator and the universe gives us two sets of answers- that which has been made especially for us, and that which can be made by our actions and choices, and that both can be an equal blessing
Now we are so addicted to whatever the government hands us that we think we doing something and think we got our own when in reality we are the ones owned and enslaved by Section 8, and WIC, and Food Stamps. It has become our new slavery and social services has become our new overseers as we tell them all our business to keep getting a check.
People often ask me what is it that I find so appealing about autumn? Is it the color of the leaves? The briskness of the air? The grey cloudy skies? The coming of the winter snow?
You sistahs got to stick together and stop hatin on each other and stop thieving from each other over these worthless men who don’t value nuthin but controlling you and gettin in your pants. You already should know that if you can steal him, you can’t keep him.
A generation later we have gotten so hooked on laughing at the reruns that we forgot that our liberties are steady being assassinated, the hate speech is back stronger than ever, but they still don’t mind handing our sons and daughters guns to go do their dirty work in the name of protecting a freedom that nobody overseas is threatening any greater than what they are doing to us with their own legislation.
The angels of hood survival always wore crooked halos or knock off victoria secret wings but they never pretended to be anything more than what they was. When they dropped out for a few weeks to several months you knew either somebody couldn’t come up with the bail money or they was just locked up for a while.
It is, perhaps, the noblest character of man, that we should continue to desire to share love despite our abuse of the same when we receive it. In this we are indeed the proverbial fallen fruits of our father tho not so far from the tree in that we continue to share our love for the very same reasons that we yet live.
These were the days when people still sneaked into liquor stores, parked their cars in dark back parking lots late at night to visit the porn shop, and waited til the video store was empty to race into the adult section and get out before the Deacon returned his movies. A lot of people never knew who they were really married to until their mate got caught at something. I guess that is still true to some extent today except the internet leaves evidence forever- long after you got saved and moved to another town.
A healthy fear of my life from my father did wonders for six children. But that doesn’t work when you trying to be your kid’s “friend” and you trying to give them everything you didn’t have and spoiling them in the process. By the time you realize what you have done, you have run the “real man” out of your life and your kids have been suspended and in custody more times than you can count.
In an emotional battle, no one ever wins. The problem with being drunk with emotion is you seldom can recall what you actually said and how you said it. You only hear what you meant to say in your head and you don’t understand why someone is responding like you said something wrong.
Sometimes the hardest part of being secure with who you are is knowing that, despite the fact that you never stop learning, there are some things you already know better than to ever want to live through again.
A lot of young people go for older because they are not yet ready to take full responsibility for their lives. And a lot of older go for younger because they don’t want an equal who can hold them accountable as an adult.
You shouldn’t have to convince anyone to be in a relationship with you. Just be yourself. Know yourself. Trust yourself. And you will draw to you those who are meant to walk this life with you.
I make it a point to always eat before I go grocery shopping. A full stomach helps you to think more clearly about the money you are about to spend. In that same mindset, I have learned that, if you truly are looking for a long term relationship, there are three types of people to stay away from: Horny, Lonely, and Needy.
Today it seems we strive to be so much in love with ourselves that we drive everywhere with our face in the mirror complaining that someone needs to fix the bumpy road and clueless that those bumps are actually the people we are running over.
There is a scripture that essentially says that you never know when you might be entertaining angels unaware. Here’s a wake up call people. That does include FALLEN angels…
I have learned that as much as you may want to dive right in, love can’t always be a full embrace. Sometimes it has to settle for being a life ring
It seemed to me that unless you were straight off the boat and black, any attempt at a self-identity apart from what was bred into you was ridiculed and seen as a threat with even black families getting upset when their sons and daughters dropped their white “Christian” name when joining the Nation of Islam or radio hosts like Rush Limbaugh clowned Kwanzaa as a “made up holiday” as though the descendants of former slaves have no right to the dignity of restoring their own heritage as best they can.
I leaped and I danced and I hugged it and said “It’s from my girlfriend and she loves me, she loves me, she loves me,” as I ran to my room to open the letter just knowing I had won her over with all my big words and even a little bit of Shakespeare.
When yours are the only arms protecting a fragile spirit, even when others appreciate what you have done, nobody notices what you had to absorb on behalf of that person.
When life clicks for you, and you finally get it, and understand who you need to be, just be you, and do you without apology.
With the Internet and digital cameras and camera phones the reputation you get right now will follow you til you die and then still live on with your kids and grandkids.
So many try to love like the magic of dandelion wish- impatient to wait for the winds, instead blowing our seeds across barren landscapes hoping that love will take root in a place where it is out of season.
Success is usually the opportunities we take for ourselves. Luck is the opportunities that see us coming. I would rather be successful than lucky. At least I know the motive behind the opportunity.
In a few days, I turn 45. I have been fortunate to have the music of love serenade my life quite a few times. And each time it has come and gone I have reflected upon this song.
The generic term of polyamory can include all combinations of reasons and genders. The truth is, many of us live some form of poly even if we don’t see it to admit it. In the black community we see it with a man who has children by multiple women who is often still cared for by each mother.