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A LETTER: Facing Faith, Family, & Fear

You have to be willing to accept for yourself that you are either a new creature in Christ or you are not. Nobody else can do that for you. And once you do accept it, nobody can separate you from what that means to your new life; not even by bringing up doubts based upon your old life.


By indiscriminately fomenting discord at the appearance of every white cop involved shooting of a black person, the Black Lives Matter Movement risks riding in the same clown car that produced the birther movement which launched the campaign to de-legitimize the nation’s first African American President. Black Lives Matter clearly does not know how to pick its battles, nor control the narrative of its goals,

Empty Nest

For five years I had the honor of being a trustee to his growth- imparting to him everything that coursed through my veins. And although my blood does not flow through his, I never realized before how immaterial to him that had become.

PART II: On The Day I Died

Mid morning came and I signed off on the papers also giving my friend authority to make decisions for me. She walked alongside my gurney toward the O.R. up until the waiting room where they told her they would come to her in about an hour to join me in recovery.

The Ties That Bind

NEO, I am so amazed the things you write about so openly. I am learning so much about myself even while I am learning about you. You are such a strong brutha.  You don’t have fans Neo it seems like you have such a big online family. I can tell all of this is...

Sweet Aisle of Prayer

I was startled to see her half smiling but her eyes were swollen. I think she had been crying. She said “I seen you in this store shopping late for a long time now and you always have a smile and everybody says how safe they feel when you come in to shop at night because we get some pretty creepy people in here. Please don’t think I am crazy but could you pray for me?”

It’s Not Easy

Over the past year I have gotten many letters asking me what it is like being the one with answers for so many people who come to me for advice and how does it affect my life. The hardest part about being who I am is how much I hate being right. In my book EPIPHANY:...

A LETTER: What Motivates Neo?

NEO, I just read a post about the blessing you have been to single moms. I am new to your page and to your writing and I just want to say God bless you. I also looked at your website and I see I have a lot of catching up to do. I have been blessed by what I have read...

The Lonely Sleep

THE LONELY SLEEP -by Neo Blaqness In quiet dark when night is deep flickering sounds for company keep unheard by ears adrift in space dreaming whilst yet still awake of someone in that empty place inside and beside your pillow’s reach this is how the lonely...

Baby Sings The Blues

BABY SINGS THE BLUES by Neo Blaqness I often ask myself the same about women that women ask about guys when given a chance to tell the truth from the beginning why do we choose to lie and make all kinds of excuses about not wanting to cause confusion over the feelings...

A Lament of Blaqness

A LAMENT OF BLAQNESS by Neo Blaqness I am saddened by my sistahs who don’t know their worth, who define themselves by how much attention they can get toward their bodies and not for being somebody as mothers of the earth. I am burdened by my bruthas who...

A LETTER: But Ugliness Runs To The Bone

I remember when I was in high school a Jamaican acapella choir came to perform and they sang a song that basically said that if you want to be happy it is better to marry a girl uglier than you. We all laughed about it. But the truth is, just like there are a lot of women who cannot handle the fact that my work exposes me to many women, there are a lot of men who avoid the drama that comes with a woman that is either too beautiful or too vain.

THANKS NEO: You Are Changing Lives That You Don’t Even Know

Do you even realize how potent your words are to a sister like me who has never imagined a brother like you existed? I have to keep telling myself this is only the internet but that excuse does not work when the words I read are so real. I don’t want you to think I am a stalker but I am so in love with the person that you are. You are my daily breath of fresh air after dealing with the majority of the male bull sh*t on this site. I would have already closed my profile by now except for the fact that I check every day at lunch to see if you posted something new.

FatherHood Stories: Presents of Mind

At the time he was working as a custodian at an elementary school on a military base. Each year there were electronics that got broken and they would throw them out instead of fixing them. Dad got permission to start bringing the broken stuff home. Pretty soon I had a little shop in the bedroom I shared with my other brothers. I was hardly 10 at the time fixing record players and reel to reel tape decks..

FatherHood Stories: Passing The Bar

I hated my turn. Because that always meant I was going to get stuck on the sand bar. It was a place in the middle of the bay that was only a few feet deep that boats knew to avoid. It was where dad would kick me off the boat if I missed a crab. I would have to watch him drive and dip alone and then he would come pick me up.

FatherHood Stories: The Music Within Me

Those were the days where most of us black folk used to tape all our music off the radio and would be so mad when the announcers talked over it. After a while we knew which deejay to call the radio station and ask for the song and we had the nerve to even tell him we were going to record it so could he please be quiet? Wow. Those were the days.

A LETTER: The Sexuality of Love

I have the same problem with ALL promiscuous people regardless of their sexuality. It breaks my heart that they cannot love themselves enough to see how beautifully and wonderfully made their lives are. Some of your profiles make me weep when I see you half naked looking for love. But then how can you expect gay and transsexual people to act any different when half of us hate on them without even wanting to know who they are?

Love and Trust

“I have said this in many ways before but it bears repeating. Life is not about trusting others. It is about trusting yourself to know what is right for you. Most times we are hurt by the lies we tell to our own face, more than the lies of others. So if you...

A LETTER: My Life is in Ruins and I Have Even Contemplated Suicide

Nobody owes you anything that you do not first owe to yourself and what you first give to yourself, no man can take away. I always say, I might die broke. I might die alone. I might die with people calling me everything but a child of God. But I will die with DIGNITY. I will not compromise who I am just so somebody else can make me feel like somebody. I am somebody because God made me somebody.

THANKS NEO: Thank You Neo for My Anniversary

What I didn’t know is he tried to continue that fight with you online over the whole week I didn’t hear from him and how much that fight with you would bring him back to me as a very changed man. You know the rest of the story. Six months later we got married and you were there. My hubby invited you and you didn’t turn him down.


You are 25 years old. You are not a child. But what you did was not something a grown woman should have done. If you still live at home, you live by the rules of that house. It don’t matter what you think is fair. If you broke those rules and tried to hide it, then they have every right to throw you out. And if they are wrong, then you still need to start making a life for yourself.

Speaking of Ray Rice

The Ray Rice situation has been on my heart for a while. In everything you read, I have been an advocate for women. And yet the most horrific experience in my life was being arrested and charged with domestic violence. I was unknowingly with a mentally unstable woman...

Real Fears No Competition

NEO, I am not too proud to admit I would be scared to date somebody like you . I would feel like there is too much competition all the time. -VETTE MY REPLY: I remember Chris Rock making the joke that even J.J. from Good Times could get any girl he wanted. That was a...

A LETTER: I Think I Chased Him Away

I have learned that love must always be embraced with the wonder of a child; that the more freely and without fear two people are able to set aside past pains, that the walls between them fall flat and become the foundation of faith and truth upon which a home is built wherein an unfailing love is eternally warmed by the fire of spirit filled wisdom.

A LETTER: A Straight Answer To A Gay Question

I have friends who have been gay from the day they were born and have never changed their sexuality because it is not possible for them. I am just saying that the majority of folks practice a sexuality of convenience. Most of it is really a result of broken families where people are just looking for love anywhere they think they can find it…

What Are You Waiting For

Many of us, my black azz included, who say we waiting on a good person in our lives have met plenty of people who just happen to have messed up sides to them just like we all do. And so we act like tomorrow is promised and wait years for somebody who we feel is not going to be as much work when we ourselves can be just as much a handful.

A LETTER: Being Criticized for Having Preferences

Being unequally yoked is not just a religious term, it is also a practical one. You should be able to enjoy the things you love with the person you love. It’s different if unforeseeable circumstances cause things to change but I would not deliberately put myself in a committed relationship with anyone incompatible with areas very important to me.

A Question of Good and Evil: An Ever Evolving Epiphany

The time will come soon when what we call gods and angels and demons will reveal themselves for what they are and we will take our unique place among them. Mankind has been given a gift to learn about life from the ground up. By having our spirits temporarily bound to these frail bodies, we have the potential of a wisdom that will surpass others who have been so richly powerful for so long that they no longer know of love in the manner that we have been so abundantly blessed to know…

Blame It On The Tiger

Have you ever gotten up one morning and gone through your day with a craving for something you haven’t had since you were young enough to believe that a pair of new sneakers actually made you run faster?

A LETTER: How Come Everybody Can Get A Man But Me?

How come my girlfriends can be so quick to replace a man but I been single for 2 years and can’t seem to find one decent man to get with. They get mad trying to hook me up telling me I am too picky and I am alone because I want to be. Neo that is not true. The guys they deal with think that if they sex you good and give you money you should be happy and I need more than that.

A Ram In The Bush

So tonight I thought I would do something I have done rarely for the past few years and that is to go for some fast food. If you have been around reading for a while you know that I love to cook. When I was married I did the food shopping and most of the cooking and...

Fatherhood Stories: Watching How You Walk

As the boys ran off with the cart, my son tapped my leg and said “but daddy we don’t have money to eat. Why are you giving them your money?” And I said “baby we don’t have money, but you got me, and we got God. Most of these kids only got their mama. If they can make money honest then they won’t steal from the store. They won’t go to jail. And they won’t steal from us.” I don’t know how much my son understood but he accepted my answer.

Someone Asks, Is Masturbation a Sin?

In my experience, where masturbation becomes dangerous is when it escalates and sustains desires toward someone you have no moral justification to ever be with that way. It ramps things up to the point where if given the opportunity, you will involve yourself with a situation unhealthy to your spirit. Only the individual knows when this is true.

Deja Who

DEJA WHO by Neo Blaqness Maybe in your mind it was nuthin but a thing another midnight booty call unworthy of a ring and maybe the only thing she thought was about getting high and getting off but that don’t excuse either of you for what 9 months later would...

THANKS NEO: Sometimes All You Can Do Is Try

I do get weary sometimes when so many cry for help but really don’t want the help that is best for them. I’m sure it won’t change what I do the next time a situation like this comes up. I never could really keep myself from diving in heart first sometimes. But every once in a while, on days like this, I miss the feel of loving arms around me with smiling eyes that say, even though I already know… that at least I tried.

Ice Capades

ICE CAPADES by Neo Blaqness I have met so few of us who know what it is to be truly loved instead of being used and tossed aside cruelly abused by a Jekyll and Hyde or an unwitting victim of someone’s bipolar side or just next up to be kissed on a never ending...

Promise Free

PROMISE FREEby Neo Blaqness-I’m not looking for a forever love because we are only promised this day we know nothing of tomorrow no matter what we think for if you say you truly love me I accept that for today if you don’t live up to it tomorrow you...


VERITAS by Neo Blaqness Restless minds which cannot sleep belong to lives bereft of dreams occupied by unsolved pains and worries of what dawn may bring stare they deep into the night to no avail seek they the light the evidence for which they wait hope unseen...

Fulfilling The Mission

During my freshman year, as an undergraduate English and Education Major, I was a very serious student- a little too serious for most. Even I had to laugh when reading the letter that is in the Ask Dr Blaqness section of my website called “Speechless” when...

No Tights Required

I have always been accused of having my father’s stubborn discipline and my mother’s relentless heart. I suppose, for a man, that can make for a dangerous combination. I grew up watching my mother do so much for others when we had so much less. Less money....

Book Cover

BOOK COVER by Neo Blaqness I read the cover of your book and some things can’t be denied by the way your pictures look all azz and tits drunk lookin high and the title that you chose Mz-Thyk-Wet-Phat-Juicy-Thighs now what do you propose we supposed to think of...

Full House

FULL HOUSE by Neo Blaqness Do you ever wonder like I do had we met before I became me and you became you bound to the places our lives have brought us to and all the ups and downs that we have come through would there really be a chance for a me and you instead of...

Weren’t They?

I awake to see my blackened face in the mirror and ask myself what shall we wear today? a touch of white? or perhaps half tone, or would it be impolite to be black to the bone and chance losing my life simply walking home…

A LETTER: How Long Should I Wait On God for a Good Man?

I have heard many women say and listened as they have been told to “wait on tha lawd” for a good man. But I think there is a lot of confusion as to what that really means. We are drawn to Bible stories of prophets and angels and people being told where to go and when. But that was then and this is now. Plus not everything man interprets as God is really God even if it is written in the book you call the Bible. God is not in the matchmaking business. God does not specifically choose to raise up or send a man to you. As much as it makes people feel good to want to believe that, you need to understand that God is not a respecter of persons no more than the rain or snow chooses not to fall on you when you forget your umbrella or your coat.

Tree of Life

TREE OF LIFE -by Neo Blaqness There are moments I cannot help but be jealous of a tree and how easily it can shake loose its leaves in the autumn breeze and fold its life into itself until the cold of winter melts and its branches yawn outstretched for spring to hug...

A LETTER: Am I Wrong For Not Dating Dark Skinned Men?

Just because we have a right to say or want something don’t always make it the wisest thing to say or do. At the same time there is nothing wrong with saying what you find attractive as long as you understand that the outward appearance does not define the character of the person inside. Beauty is not only in the eye of the beholder but is truly only skin deep while ugliness runs to the bone. The world will never truly be color blind, but you also can’t afford to be stuck on color stupid such that you overlook blessings standing right in front of you.

A LETTER: The Time of Rescue is Not The Time for Relationships

I used to teach in my counseling classes that there is a reason that a lifeguard throws you a life ring. Because a panicked person can’t drown a life ring but they can drown YOU. I don’t care how strong a swimmer you are, you can’t drink that much water fighting somebody you trying to save. That’s also why the first thing a rescuer says when running into a situation by themselves is “Call 911”. That is for several reasons. In case the person don’t grab on to the life ring. In case the person drown. In case the person drown you. And in case you got to bust them upside the head in order to save them. The time of rescue is not the time for relationships.

The Wall

THE WALL by Neo Blaqness There is a crack in the wall between me and you If I press my face against it I can see right through and upon my cheek a kiss of grateful air that has found a place to move a yearning breeze squeezed between two hardened hearts of stone...

A LETTER: Loneliness While Under Stress

It kind of reminds me of that scene from the Matrix Trilogy when The Oracle says “We can never see past the choices we don’t understand” and Neo says “Are you saying I have to choose whether Trinity lives or dies?” and The Oracle replies “No, you’ve already made the choice. Now you have to understand it.” So many of our choices that have led to stress in our lives were made long ago. The stress is in understanding why. Once we begin this process of discovery, we can start to have peace through knowing what needs to change and how to change it if only within ourselves.