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relationship-mistakesNEO, Thanks for all the advice you have given. I wrote you a good while back when I was getting out of a very bad relationship situation and you didn’t let me down. The advice you gave was on point and helped a lot. I found one of your newspaper articles from a few years ago where you mentioned four areas that single people need to look at before getting into a relationship but now I can’t seem to locate it online again. I wanted to save those points. Can you share them again? -Estella

MY REPLY

I do remember you Estella and thanks for letting me know you are doing okay. , I have taken only the 4 points from the article and listed them below:

1. If you get with somebody because they lust after you, they have already showed you how they roll and you will usually lose them the same way you got them. Somebody who comes on strong simply because of how you look will never stop looking.

2. If you get with somebody who is lonely, you have to be careful because the longer someone has been lonely, the more likely they are to compromise what they really want. A hungry person will eat food they actually hate in order to stay alive. But once they have access to other foods, they will go back to their old eating habits. The same thing with a lonely person- once you fill that void, many begin to notice other choices. You should always take a long hard look as to the reasons somebody is alone and not just take their word for it. Observe and see what their life and behavior tell you.

3. If you get with somebody who is rebounding from a divorce or a break up, you need to understand that it is easy to feel sorry for someone who is hurt or weak. I got a friend who works at a nursing home and felt sorry for someone that nobody ever came to see. All she saw was frail old people until somebody told her how dirty that person had been to everyone in their life. Keep up front that people can be really humble when they are down, but you better be sure about what kind of person you will have in the end that you are nursing back to health. A rebounding person will use you just long enough to be strong again. I’m not saying don’t help somebody when they are down. Just don’t mortgage your house to do it. Don’t invest deep feelings until they are on their feet and you know who that person really is.

4. If you get with somebody who live and breathe church and preachers 24/7 just understand you are dealing with a ministry addict. Anybody who needs that much Jesus usually got so much mess that has gone on in their life that they probably needed psychotherapy a long time ago and is using the church as a free substitute. I am not saying this to clown anybody because my mother was a church addict for very good reasons. But spiritually and mentally balanced people don’t need to run to a building every time the doors open to know who God is and wrap themselves in “holy talk” to feel like they are forgiven. Church is like any other 12 step addictions program. At some point, you really shouldn’t need to go to as many meetings in order to stay clean. Unfortunately, the Preaching Industry would rather keep everyone addicted and it got nothing to do with God. Ministry Addiction ruins just as many relationships as they claim to save. That is why so many pastors have messed up families. ALL ministry begins AT HOME. There is nothing wrong with fellowship and you can do that in a lot of ways, but be careful of those who insist on dragging you into their addictive practices unless you want a group of well-intended but unqualified people with no professional training constantly involved in your relationship decisions.