tough-loveNEO, my friend just called me jealous and a hater cuz she got all this drama going on from all these men on here profile. I told her it cuz she ain’t got no clothes on. Am I really a hater? -NeeshaBoo

MY REPLY: It sounds to me like you are a good friend telling the truth. I have heard a lot of women say that since they know they are sexy, they have a right to flaunt it and that everybody else is just hating. But what they don’t consider is that being humble and showing some modesty is also a sign of good character and the ultimate show of self esteem and self respect and self worth.

You have heard people use the phrase don’t take my kindness for weakness? A lot of people consider meekness as weakness but Jesus said in Mathew “Come unto me, all of you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and you shall find rest unto your souls”. Meekness, you see, is simply power under control. It means that just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD do it.

You may have a car that can go 190 miles per hour but if the speed limit is 30 or even 15 in a school zone, you have to exercise meekness. You may have a child that does something so foolish and rebellious that you might want to tear their behind up but if they are only 2 years old, you have to exercise meekness. You may have a figure that causes men to break their necks staring at you but if you actually want respect and a chance at a lasting relationship, you have to be more modest about how much of your body you show and the words that come out of your mouth that you think are confidence but are not, and the words you let men use on you that you might thing are compliments but are not.

You can’t just throw on hoochie clothes and post them all over the internet or show up at your child’s school or in the store just because YOU CAN. There comes a point that, when we say we are doing those things simply because we love ourselves, that we have fallen in love with a fool. And that fool always attracts the wrong kind of attention and then wants to blame what happens to them on “haters”.

There is another scripture that says “For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of themselves more highly than they should think. Instead, think sensibly, as God has distributed a measure of faith to each one” and still another that says “If you think you are standing strong, be careful not to fall. The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience.

And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure.” You all well know I am not one to hit you over the head with religion but I will use scripture wherever it fits especially when I see so many people who claim to be Christian on their profile not really understanding the life warnings that their own professed faith tries to teach them. I will only say that the only single mom I know who got pregnant by keeping her clothes on gave birth to Jesus and she still managed to attract a good man. All your friend is going to attract are repeat offenders but she is the one, like every other single mom, who will end up serving the life sentence each time. It sounds to me like you really love her more than she truly understands how to love herself. -NEO