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theres-no-testimony-without-the-testNeo, Three years ago I hit you up on here. I thought you was so rude to me and I cuss you out. Even after that I end up saving the message you sent me and I can’t believe how stupid I was. I just had a baby and call myself on here looking for a man and I was still with my man. No man on here question me but you. You ask why I was on here with a name that sound unladylike and just had a baby and say I was with somebody and you ask was he treating me wrong.

I call myself bein real and I told you he was the baby daddy of the last one and was even working and taking care of me and my two other ones but I needed a man with a bigger d*ck. You wrote me back a book telling me how wrong I was and that I was the kind of black woman that mess up good black men and that I was using my man and not appreciating him for taking care of kids that wasn’t even his.

You ask me if a man was good enough to me to do all that and was good enough to have his baby and be a real man was I crazy? Neo I got so mad at you. But you was right. I hurt him so bad just so I could get the sex I thought I was missing. After he left he didn’t have nothing to do with me no more. I had to drop our daughter over his mama house and he pick her up from there but the other two kids had to stay with me.

I got myself a little hustle and with section 8 and link I was ready for my new life. I did my profile on here to get a lot of men attention. I won’t lie. I got what I wanted. But I got a lot of lies too, a lot of baby mama drama and wifes calling my phone. I end up with another baby and nobody want to say it belong to them. My ex took his daughter and he was the only one paying support.

I thought you disrespect me back then but I disrespect myself and my baby daddy. I wish I could get him back but he married now. Neo you told me I was goin to hurt myself and the kids and end up being used and alone. You told me and I didn’t want to hear you. You told me at the end of the day any guy I was with was gone be nothing but a big d*k. And I called you all kinds of names and block you. Now I don’t know what to do. I got pictures and camera phone video of me these guys made I seen online calling me all kinds of ho and stuff. But I did it Neo. It was me bein stupid. How am I supposed to find a good man now? -(NAME WITHHELD FOR PRIVACY)

Your letter breaks my heart because I have seen this happen so many times that whenever I try to talk to somebody who won’t listen, all I can do is hope and pray that stupid doesn’t turn into dangerous. Over the years I have seen these situations end up with kids being molested and women ending up with permanent or fatal diseases. Yes I remember you and yes I did pray that someday your eyes would open up before something tragic happened.

You paid a high price for a big d*k. But from what you tell me, you and your kids are alive and well. You aren’t the first woman to make these mistakes and since you also won’t be the last. The best way for you to come back from where you are inside is to try your best to make a difference with other women and young ladies who either are or about to head down that same road.

The difference with today and having camera phones and the Internet is that the things we do that we later grow up to be not very proud of, live on forever. But so does God’s love, grace, and mercy. Turn your shame into His testimony and you will find that peace that passes all understanding. You’ve made a very good step by confessing your wrongs. Now believe God at His word that He is faithful and just to forgive you and to help you live your life in a way that you don’t have to be ashamed of. Once you do that, whatever else your life needs will begin to fall into place. You will have your haters and accusers, but there are a lot more of us reading this who love you than you know because we also know that while we were yet sinners, God loved us. I’m here whenever you need to write.