Sometimes the hardest part of being secure with who you are is knowing that, despite the fact that you never stop learning, there are some things you already know better than to ever want to live through again. That is what maturity really is. But we each reach different levels at different times and that really affects our ability to communicate and be close. I didn’t say it affects our ability to love. But the truth is there is a big difference between loving somebody and living with somebody. There are family members we love to death but we would never want to live with. Of course, in an emergency, most of us would like to think we would do the right thing and let them in.
But what about when it comes to loving someone who is not family? Trying to figure out how many differences we can live with can be an uncomfortable thing but not always a bad thing; especially if our lives need a shake up. On the other hand, if you have worked hard to get your life in order, those differences can throw you off your plan. And yet, in each case, you know there is love. It isn’t that the emotion of love isn’t enough but it must also be supported by compatibility- the ability and willingness to share enough common goals and experiences to live a daily life together without bringing each other down or driving each other crazy; without saying “Oh why did I get married”.
We can’t entirely avoid screaming out that question, but neither can you ignore areas that are important so that you don’t later regret giving your life to someone. Like if you want or have kids, don’t get with someone not ready to be a parent. If you need communication, don’t get with somebody afraid to open their mouth or hides what they feel. If you need peace, don’t get with somebody prone to anger or quick to argue. These are the types of things a relationship should not be used for on the job training. You are simply asking too much of love. A wise love leaves such things to friendships until it sees the other person as ready but never stops loving that person or living his or her own life. If something more is meant to come of it, it usually will. I have learned that being with someone is not always about being on the same page, but whether we fit in the same story. Turn the page.