While I am very open minded when it comes to respecting a person’s sexuality, I am old fashioned when it comes to sex. I am NOT flattered when a woman approaches me in a sexual way no more than a true lady should accept when a man does it because it means he is so used to getting away with it that he probably has no idea what true intimacy or commitment is.
The funny thing is how many women get insulted as though a man should automatically be honored that she should present her body to a total stranger in a sexual way. I’m just the opposite. I get afraid for my life thinking about the dogs she already laid with and where those men have probably been before her.
The friends I have with permanent STD’s didn’t get them by being deliberately promiscuous. Most got them from compromising themselves at a point of loneliness or weakness and now have to live with that for the rest of their lives. And even when the result wasn’t an STD but an unplanned pregnancy, it is still hard to look a child in the eye knowing that either your lust or your loneliness created a life that should have been made out of love.
And, more often than not, whether the result is a child or an STD, we already knew we were compromising and taking a risk when we got with that person and then got the nerve to trash talk them for years over the result. I am talking to both men and women here. Maybe I am just delusional but every time I have slept with someone, my intentions have always been love. I have never regretted a child, only that the relationships between me and their mother did not give them what they deserved but it takes two for that to work.
Even so, a part of my soul belongs to every woman I have ever slept with and it gets to a point where you can only divide yourself so many times before you have no soul left. I have seen those kinds of sexual animals, men and women online, and I refuse to become one of them. Love replaced by the next convenient lustful nut.
All you got to do is read the status feeds of social media and it is so very sad watching people sell their souls for an orgasm because they have never known real love in their whole life and don’t know what to do with it when it is standing naked in front of them. The most heartbreaking times for me is when a woman offers her body and she can’t see that my offer of love is not rejection.
Trust and believe that there are nights when my mind wants to call any number of phones that have offered to come over but I just can’t lie to myself even if she gives me permission to lie to her. Ultimately I am responsible for what I know. I have had my manhood questioned many times by women insulted by my choice not to play a part in dishonoring them. And yes it hurts. I’m not going to lie. But I just can’t continue to add to my memory, the faces of women I had no business being inside of in the first place. -Neo Blaqness