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-by Neo Blaqness

They say that spring is the time of year for love. But fall is the time of year I worry the most about my female friends in recovery.  As someone who has done addictions counseling, I don’t use the term recovery loosely. A lot of my female friends are Man Addicts- they can’t live without one. Spring through summer are usually the easier times for them because they don’t have to do much to find a man. There are lots of public places to pick up men and if you lose one, pick up another. People are a lot more casual during the summer months and men are a lot less picky because the warm weather and activities provide a smoke screen for his ability to see as many women as he wants. Both sexes play the game. Summer time is when a woman is likely to be able to get sexed by a man who wouldn’t give her the time of day in the winter so she goes for broke; and so does he.

But come the cold weather season, the man who was alright hitting it and then hanging out with his boys or other dates is a lot more cautious about who he wants to cuddle up with. Because that plays into the females “nesting” instinct and is usually a little more intimate than he had in mind. At the club or beach or all the summer parties, imperfections get lost in the drinks, all the other people, and the rhythm of the music. But all the things that might get on his nerves are a little too real when he has to be cooped up inside for long periods after sex. So you really know how much a guy likes you if he wants to continue hanging out after the summer.

Losing that hot guy who was the summer fling is hard on a woman who had her hopes, dreams and ideas of what a cozy cold weather season would be with him. The problem is, he knew what you were thinking and wasn’t about to go for it. The only type of woman the average man wants to nest up with in the cold is either the one he can totally get over on and is too desperate to demand respect, or the woman who resembles the closest to what he has in mind for marriage. If a man compromises any of those two, he is usually using her for his survival but will creep out in a heartbeat the first chance gets to be with a woman who better fits his ideal.

For a woman, the cold weather is the season of compromise. If she doesn’t drive she is more likely to be at home because nobody wants to freeze their ass off on the bus except for work and a damn good party. So her mind turns to home entertainment. Before the internet, she was on the telephone chat lines being as nasty as she wanted to be. Now she has less clothes on her profile page or maybe showing a little cleavage, posting sexy attention grabbers, and checking out the distance from her of every man with teeth who can half way put two sentences together. The summer standard gets pretty low come winter and she ends up compromising anything to keep that man in her bed, including allowing herself to get knocked up. Come spring she is 6 months pregnant, full of hormones with a loser she can’t stand but now has to deal with for LIFE. That’s how a lot of baby daddies are born.

I have a saying that drives my female friends crazy because it is true. Yes men will lie to women. But women will lie to themselves. Most of a man’s lies would never have a chance without the cooperation of a woman. Now how many lies will you tell yourself in order to lay with a man this fall?

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