Et tu Mater? (You Too Mama?)
That word
is the mark of slavery
and used to justify
every no good thing against us.
Keep The Change
You would think that because it has happened to me so many times in my life, that it wouldn’t bother me so much. Most times it does not
Suicide by Friendship
“One thing I want you to remember… when a man is convinced he is going to die, he will usually find a way to make it happen.”
Black Lives Chatter
The same thing happens when we are ignorant of our history. The conclusions we draw are far from the reality of the pictures we paint in our minds.
PART VI: A Postscript- My Journey Home
Now I was being presented with REASON. But was it reason enough to choose to live. What would really change by turning back toward life?
PART V: And Miles To Go Before I Sleep
It is the ultimate judgement upon its life that a soul will awaken to see the fruit born of substance that it added to existence still being remembered by those yet alive.
PART IV: ReBoot
When we sleep, it is not for the sake of our bodies, but for the sanity of our minds. As long as we get proper nutrition and rest from physical activities, the body itself can manage without sleep, but a lack of sleep will eventually drive us insane.
PART III: If I Should Die Before I Wake
When Christians are taught that the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much, it is a beautiful saying. But there is a science to prayer in the same way that some religions chant to reach a certain state of mind.
PART II: On The Day I Died
Mid morning came and I signed off on the papers also giving my friend authority to make decisions for me. She walked alongside my gurney toward the O.R. up until the waiting room where they told her they would come to her in about an hour to join me in recovery.
PART I: I Guess You Wonder Where I’ve Been
I knew not to chance it. I was warned the last time that I had been only millimeters from emergency back surgery. The nature of the situation was such that the discs could slip into the spinal cord and trigger life threatening signals to my brain and throughout my body.
So Are You…
People will always try to entice you to live in their past. But you have to be wise enough to know there is no future on that path.
The Seeds of Forgiveness are Rooted in Accountability
When dad whooped us, we knew exactly why because he never came out of his feelings with it. It was never personal except to drive home the point. There was no hug later. There was instead an expectation that he would not have to do it again.
Oh How We Danced- In Memory Of Gene Gene the Dancing Machine
A piece of my childhood passed away this week. I guess we all are a little guilty of liking some of the stupidest shows to ever appear on television but nobody of my generation will ever hear the first few bars of Count Basie’s “Jumpin’ at the...It’s Not Easy
Over the past year I have gotten many letters asking me what it is like being the one with answers for so many people who come to me for advice and how does it affect my life. The hardest part about being who I am is how much I hate being right. In my book EPIPHANY:...A LETTER: What Motivates Neo?
NEO, I just read a post about the blessing you have been to single moms. I am new to your page and to your writing and I just want to say God bless you. I also looked at your website and I see I have a lot of catching up to do. I have been blessed by what I have read...The Story of B: And You’re The Only One Who Knows
NEO, I heard you in an interview last month talking about your poetry book I Dream of You and you were telling some very wonderful and heartbreaking stories about which poems were related to what relationships in your life. There was one group of poems you talked...Love and Trust
“I have said this in many ways before but it bears repeating. Life is not about trusting others. It is about trusting yourself to know what is right for you. Most times we are hurt by the lies we tell to our own face, more than the lies of others. So if you...A LETTER: I Gets Lonely
NEO, you a man that got it together. Sometimes I wonder do you ever feel as lonely as me or empty like I feel without a mans? Sometimes I am tempted to let somebody come over but I done that in the past I end up with a baby all by myself everytime. I gets so lonely...An Awakening Moment from Sweet L
Sometimes God sends you a message through people in a way that you never expect. I get a lot of stuff sent to me and, most of the time it is an old skool song that someone around my age is just sharing to everybody, or a gospel artist they wanted to share in response...Don’t You Remember You Told Me You Loved Me Baby
I was doing my usual rounds on YouTube today and thought I would catch a little bit of Luther Vandross. I was halfway through enjoying one of my favorite songs of his when this completely ignorant youngin had the nerve to call Luther over-rated saying he ain’t...Speaking of Ray Rice
The Ray Rice situation has been on my heart for a while. In everything you read, I have been an advocate for women. And yet the most horrific experience in my life was being arrested and charged with domestic violence. I was unknowingly with a mentally unstable woman...Real Fears No Competition
NEO, I am not too proud to admit I would be scared to date somebody like you . I would feel like there is too much competition all the time. -VETTE MY REPLY: I remember Chris Rock making the joke that even J.J. from Good Times could get any girl he wanted. That was a...A Birthday to Remember
Each year I am asked “so what are you doing for your birthday” . Usually nothing. As a child, I once did, but that joy was quickly taken away from me. I didn’t know I was the dirty little family secret nobody wanted to talk about. The only problem...Y’all Betta Recognize: The New Civil Rights Generation
Those of us over 40 grew up at a time when you had to remember phone numbers, when calculators were a luxury, and when having good cursive writing penmanship was the sign of a decent education. Now our minds are lazy with contact lists, spell check, and dumbed down...A Ram In The Bush
So tonight I thought I would do something I have done rarely for the past few years and that is to go for some fast food. If you have been around reading for a while you know that I love to cook. When I was married I did the food shopping and most of the cooking and...THANKS NEO: Confessions of A Mother Hen
NEO, I prayed you be alright when I read you was in the hospital. When you was back home I felt relieved. Maybe it the mother hen in me but I imagine me taking your phone and pushing people away from your door so you could get the rest you need. You have a way of...Fulfilling The Mission
During my freshman year, as an undergraduate English and Education Major, I was a very serious student- a little too serious for most. Even I had to laugh when reading the letter that is in the Ask Dr Blaqness section of my website called “Speechless” when...No Tights Required
I have always been accused of having my father’s stubborn discipline and my mother’s relentless heart. I suppose, for a man, that can make for a dangerous combination. I grew up watching my mother do so much for others when we had so much less. Less money....Finding Your Own Way
I have learned as I have grown older that your family only knows your history- where you been. Your friends know who you are- the person you let them see. Everybody else only knows what they want to believe. But at the end of the day, only you know where you are...Fighting For Freedom While Being Pulled Back Down
I don’t look for things in others that I don’t also aspire to be; neither can I seriously consider anyone who presents a laundry list of things they want in someone that they themselves can’t live up to. That is why it has always been important for...NEO’S TOP 10 THINGS I CAN’T STAND ABOUT BLACK MEN AND WOMEN
NEO’S TOP 10 THINGS I CAN’T STAND ABOUT BLACK MEN AND WOMEN 1. That black women don’t take control of their bodies and stop allowing themselves to be impregnated by men they already know have no track record of stability- relationship and otherwise. 2. That black men...NEO’S TOP 10 REASONS A WOMAN WILL STOP CALLING YOU BACK
NEO’S TOP 10 REASONS A WOMAN WILL STOP CALLING YOU BACK 1. Something you said kicked up feelings she isn’t quite ready to talk about or face. 2. She is afraid to tell you something she fears might run you away. 3. She already got what she wanted out of you...NEO’S TOP 10 REASONS A MAN WILL STOP CALLING YOU BACK
NEO’S TOP 10 REASONS A MAN WILL STOP CALLING YOU BACK 1. You wouldn’t have sex with him. 2. You was too quick to have sex with him. 3. He too busy having sex with somebody else. 4. You wouldn’t give him no money. 5. Some other chick giving him money....If Love Begins With L, Why Do We Start by Chasing The O
The friends I have with permanent STD’s didn’t get them by being deliberately promiscuous. Most got them from compromising themselves at a point of loneliness or weakness and now have to live with that for the rest of their lives. And even when the result wasn’t an STD but an unplanned pregnancy, it is still hard to look a child in the eye knowing that either your lust or your loneliness created a life that should have been made out of love.
Aspire to Perfection but Beware The Perfect
Holy people give me the creeps. But, in my experience, those who truly understand grace, are more likely to extend mercy to others with humility of spirit.
Indecision- A Female’s Worst Enemy
We are all, often, our own worst enemy but it would seem, more so with women. I especially laugh when one of my female friends say “well you knew I was wrong and not acting right, why did you let me do it?” like I have some kind of magic powers to stop them from doing what they have chosen to do.
The Black Relationship Challenge in An Interracial World
I understand exactly why so many black women have given up on black men because, based on my experience, I would have given up on black women except for these things
You Aren’t Entitled to Know Just Because You ask
It is never good to give anybody the sense that they can ask you anything just to be asking.
Snow Day
Sometimes, I don’t know who to feel sorrier for-my friends who have no idea what a day like this can be, or for myself and others who, when faced with such a day alone, truly know what we are missing.
Apparuit Nigrum
As I grow older, well meaning women wonder why I deny them the company of our wiser years together. But Golden Years are not meant for me. I will be a father til I die. There is no rocking chair for me, no retirement party in my future, no sunset days where it will be only you and me.
So Raise Your Glass
I have traveled a long way to finally being me. And I lost two women who married me who deserved to know that the direction of my life would outgrow what we would be capable of remaining. If I had known that, I would have never married them. But had I never married them, I would not be the man that those experiences have taught me to become.
Happy New Year 2014
It isn’t about everything being suddenly right with the world, but setting things right within your own heart and mind so that you are prepared to confront this New Year with courage in spirit and in truth…
Watch Yourself Online
you have heard me say over and over again that the church is WHO WE ARE and not no preacher or building. The church is the fellowship we share even in a place like this. The church is ANYWHERE we choose to be used by God.
Social Media While In a Relationship- It’s Not Worth It
When there is always somebody online who will lie to you and tell you that you are right just to get in your pants, the relationship in front of you doesn’t stand a chance. In the absence of real mothers and fathers, the conscience of relationships has now reached a the new low of whatever the friends list thinks.
Bass Ackward Black Values
That is not to say that it is wrong to want more. But for that, you always have to consider the price, and whether or not it is worth paying it…. Extra work hours and child raised by strangers and the TV just so you can have a fancier house or car and you wonder why your child’s values are so messed up.
Unleashed- The Story Behind Neo Blaqness
What do your people call you? I think I get that question a hundred times a week as though I am some stray dog without a leash or collar. So let me set the record straight once and for all. Upon the emancipation of slaves in the United States, former slaves were given...Geeze Louise
“I had to really laugh at myself today as I vividly recalled being a young boy riding the city bus with my mother to clean up the home of an elderly woman suffering dementia which was not as well known as Alzheimer’s is today. We were sitting down to...The Battle of Me- Being Neo Blaqness
If you have never known the responsibility that comes with great gifts or a calling, it is very easy to misunderstand the one who has chosen to be a servant to it- easy to become an obstacle instead of a partner in it- easy to say “this is not what I signed up for”.
Rush to Judgement
Bobby reminded me today by saying “you got the gift to take the small words I know and make them beautiful in a way that people will listen and understand. And you got the heart and respect to do it right. That is why I check on you. I ain’t want nuthin. Just seeing how you was.”
Close That Door
I have had so many reasons in my life lately to think about that time in my childhood and how much we really don’t stop to consider the energy it costs someone when we stand in the doorway of decisions letting out the cool to the summer heat or the warm to the winter cold not realizing the bill we are running up in the home, heart, and mind of someone else who has to pay it.
Deuces- Between Destiny and Choice
I have learned that the Creator and the universe gives us two sets of answers- that which has been made especially for us, and that which can be made by our actions and choices, and that both can be an equal blessing
Livin Large- On Subsistence?
Now we are so addicted to whatever the government hands us that we think we doing something and think we got our own when in reality we are the ones owned and enslaved by Section 8, and WIC, and Food Stamps. It has become our new slavery and social services has become our new overseers as we tell them all our business to keep getting a check.
Autumn
People often ask me what is it that I find so appealing about autumn? Is it the color of the leaves? The briskness of the air? The grey cloudy skies? The coming of the winter snow?
The Epitathe of Real Men
You sistahs got to stick together and stop hatin on each other and stop thieving from each other over these worthless men who don’t value nuthin but controlling you and gettin in your pants. You already should know that if you can steal him, you can’t keep him.
Reruns
A generation later we have gotten so hooked on laughing at the reruns that we forgot that our liberties are steady being assassinated, the hate speech is back stronger than ever, but they still don’t mind handing our sons and daughters guns to go do their dirty work in the name of protecting a freedom that nobody overseas is threatening any greater than what they are doing to us with their own legislation.
Sometimes You Just Don’t Know
The angels of hood survival always wore crooked halos or knock off victoria secret wings but they never pretended to be anything more than what they was. When they dropped out for a few weeks to several months you knew either somebody couldn’t come up with the bail money or they was just locked up for a while.
No, Never Alone
It is, perhaps, the noblest character of man, that we should continue to desire to share love despite our abuse of the same when we receive it. In this we are indeed the proverbial fallen fruits of our father tho not so far from the tree in that we continue to share our love for the very same reasons that we yet live.
The Never Ending Echo- Ghosts of Internet Past
These were the days when people still sneaked into liquor stores, parked their cars in dark back parking lots late at night to visit the porn shop, and waited til the video store was empty to race into the adult section and get out before the Deacon returned his movies. A lot of people never knew who they were really married to until their mate got caught at something. I guess that is still true to some extent today except the internet leaves evidence forever- long after you got saved and moved to another town.
The Reality of Real Men
A healthy fear of my life from my father did wonders for six children. But that doesn’t work when you trying to be your kid’s “friend” and you trying to give them everything you didn’t have and spoiling them in the process. By the time you realize what you have done, you have run the “real man” out of your life and your kids have been suspended and in custody more times than you can count.
Understanding The Emotional Creature Within
In an emotional battle, no one ever wins. The problem with being drunk with emotion is you seldom can recall what you actually said and how you said it. You only hear what you meant to say in your head and you don’t understand why someone is responding like you said something wrong.
Turn The Page
Sometimes the hardest part of being secure with who you are is knowing that, despite the fact that you never stop learning, there are some things you already know better than to ever want to live through again.
Age Is So Much MORE Than a Number
A lot of young people go for older because they are not yet ready to take full responsibility for their lives. And a lot of older go for younger because they don’t want an equal who can hold them accountable as an adult.
Roping The Moon
You shouldn’t have to convince anyone to be in a relationship with you. Just be yourself. Know yourself. Trust yourself. And you will draw to you those who are meant to walk this life with you.
Avoid Dating These Triplets
I make it a point to always eat before I go grocery shopping. A full stomach helps you to think more clearly about the money you are about to spend. In that same mindset, I have learned that, if you truly are looking for a long term relationship, there are three types of people to stay away from: Horny, Lonely, and Needy.
The Doing of Love
Today it seems we strive to be so much in love with ourselves that we drive everywhere with our face in the mirror complaining that someone needs to fix the bumpy road and clueless that those bumps are actually the people we are running over.
Beware The Dark Angels Among Us
There is a scripture that essentially says that you never know when you might be entertaining angels unaware. Here’s a wake up call people. That does include FALLEN angels…
Spiritual First Responders
I have learned that as much as you may want to dive right in, love can’t always be a full embrace. Sometimes it has to settle for being a life ring
NEO’S TOP 25 LIFE EXPERIENCES
NEO’S TOP 25 LIFE EXPERIENCES THAT WILL MAKE US LIKELY TO GET ALONG IF WE HAVE THEM IN COMMON: 1. If you lived any part of life without a phone. 2. If you lived any part of life without a car. 3. If you ever had to walk home or ride the bus with groceries. 4. If...What’s In a Name?
It seemed to me that unless you were straight off the boat and black, any attempt at a self-identity apart from what was bred into you was ridiculed and seen as a threat with even black families getting upset when their sons and daughters dropped their white “Christian” name when joining the Nation of Islam or radio hosts like Rush Limbaugh clowned Kwanzaa as a “made up holiday” as though the descendants of former slaves have no right to the dignity of restoring their own heritage as best they can.
Post Mortem
Years ago, as a very young man much too old for his time, I was dating a neighborhood girl who literally had sex on the brain. Every single time we were around each other, that is what she wanted. Looking back, perhaps that is how she was taught she needed to be in...Legend of a Pen Pal Pervert
I leaped and I danced and I hugged it and said “It’s from my girlfriend and she loves me, she loves me, she loves me,” as I ran to my room to open the letter just knowing I had won her over with all my big words and even a little bit of Shakespeare.
Handle with Care
When yours are the only arms protecting a fragile spirit, even when others appreciate what you have done, nobody notices what you had to absorb on behalf of that person.
When You Finally Get It
When life clicks for you, and you finally get it, and understand who you need to be, just be you, and do you without apology.
You Can’t Delete The Truth
With the Internet and digital cameras and camera phones the reputation you get right now will follow you til you die and then still live on with your kids and grandkids.
Glimmer
CLICK BELOW TO LISTEN GLIMMER by Neo Blaqness There is a joy I try to live by and that I endeavor to share with every soul I have been blessed to encounter; To try to be at least that one human being to understand the reasons for the absence of joy in the life of...Dandelion Love
So many try to love like the magic of dandelion wish- impatient to wait for the winds, instead blowing our seeds across barren landscapes hoping that love will take root in a place where it is out of season.
Success and Luck
Success is usually the opportunities we take for ourselves. Luck is the opportunities that see us coming. I would rather be successful than lucky. At least I know the motive behind the opportunity.
The Music Never Ends
In a few days, I turn 45. I have been fortunate to have the music of love serenade my life quite a few times. And each time it has come and gone I have reflected upon this song.
When a Woman Gets Into a Man’s Shorts
CLICK BELOW TO LISTEN WHEN A WOMAN GETS INTO A MAN’S SHORTS by Neo Blaqness Today I finally had the courage to open that drawer. The one I set aside for her to use whenever she would visit. Where she would leave the things that made it feel like home- knowing...Love, Lonliness, and The Internet
People talk a lot about how crazy and desperate it is to look for love online. What they fail to realize is that times have changed. Today more than half the people who get married in America have met in some way online. The internet is also the second leading cause...Oh Lawd They Tried to Kill me
I swear if somebody really wants to knock me off, the best way to do it is have a little kid sell me something. So today I was on my way home and saw a huge sign for a yard sale. Now I don’t know about you but growing up, if you got your license and you really wanted...A LETTER: A Conversation with Blaqness
More often than not, a lot of the material that makes it to this site and into my articles and books come from conversations with readers with whom I have become friends. Here is another one I thought I would share. FROM A READER: You’re the Man….My...Chivralry: Where Have All The Flowers Gone
Between semesters at college I needed a job so I answered an ad looking for a floater for a local bank.They sent us to teller training at their operations center where I was the only guy in the class. There was a girl in my class who took the bus to training but it...Lessons from My Middled Aged Clarity- by Neo Blaqness
Most people go through a middle aged crisis. But I had a middle aged clarity and thought I would share just a few personal epiphanies from it. 1. Racism is a tool of the rich to keep the poor fighting among them self. Give the white man a darker man to blame while...Oh Mirror In The Sky What Is Love?
I have watched many post the question, what is love? I think it is personal to every individual and it evolves for us as we grow and change. Just as we can never know the true measure of our strength until it is tried, I have found that everything I thought I knew...Why I Left The Ministry
At age 21, I had the temerity to believe myself called to ministry until I actually grew up to understand that life is not about religion but about individual spirituality. While I do still prescribe to many Christian principles, I no longer view religion in the...Why Are Polyamorists Mostly White?
The generic term of polyamory can include all combinations of reasons and genders. The truth is, many of us live some form of poly even if we don’t see it to admit it. In the black community we see it with a man who has children by multiple women who is often still cared for by each mother.