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NEO, my husband tripping cuz me and my ex are really close. I mean we got kids together so I like to know wuts going on with him so I know the kids are cool when they go stay with him. I say he being jealous and unreasonable. Am I wrong? -BELINDA
MY REPLY: Since you do have children together, then you and your ex have a responsibility to their best interest and your current husband accepted that deal when he married you. At the same time when you married him, the two of you became one flesh and since the children reside with you, he shares EQUALLY in your half of the authority over the children and of the household and has every right to be involved with any decision regarding children that live under that roof. The only way he has no say is if they go live with their father. That is the deal YOU made when you and your kids made a home with him. So if you and your ex are making decisions about the kids or having chummy private conversations outside of your husband who is not privy to that ongoing relationship, you are wrong- especially if those conversations are not related to the children.
You are now the WIFE of another man and you need to act like it. I say the same thing to bruthas who come up with lame excuses saying “well we just been through so much and since we know each other, we can talk about problems easy.” And my reply is, “you should have thought about that before you broke up and when it suddenly becomes that easy, that means somebody is not giving their current relationship the same consideration because it sounds to me like y’all doing personal couples counseling to keep the old one alive.” I’m sure your husband would’nt be looking for your exe’s stamp of approval on what is going on in your house so you need to stay out of your exe’s business unless you have a reason to sue for supervised visitation.
Look, I’m not advocating hating on exes. My parents divorced and found new mates and were better friends divorced than they were when they were married. But I credit them for two things. The first is they also became friends with each others’ spouse. The other is they never stepped in the middle of each others’ relationships. Especially when they first found other people, they backed completely off until they got to know each others’ spouses. The only personal conversations they had was about the kids. They knew that their personal issues were off the table with each other unless it included their mates. When my father was dying of cancer, my mother was there helping because that’s what that generation did and there was no drama and neither spouse was uptight. That is the grown up way of doing it.
Getting into a traditional relationship and trying to keep one with an ex is asking for trouble and not just on an emotional level. What most of y’all don’t know is that you carry the DNA of every person you ever sleep with in your blood. And that is passed along to every other person you sleep with. Over time, just like you can have a difficult pregnancy between parents of two bloodtypes that don’t mix well, all these DNA exchanges are the reasons for so many diseases like HPV which is common in women because a promiscuous person usually sleeps with promiscuous people or if a gullible person sleeps with a lying hoe, then one person alone can end up transferring DNA traces of hundreds of people into your bloodstream. Science has confirmed that this has a psychological affect on men. When his body detects those DNA traces, even his sperm becomes stronger believing it has to compete with the other men it detects. He can also, unknowingly, become more sexually and emotionally aggressive in the same way that science has confirmed that women become more seducing when ovulating. If you combine that with a reason to suspect there might be more due to a personal connection with another man, a man will start acting like he is PMS-sing. Your current relationship is too unstable for this. If you want to stay married, stick to parenting and leave your ex alone. -NEO BLAQNESS