LADIES, sometimes the pains you go through are so real that I find myself in tears. I do respect the privacy of those who write me by removing all really personal references and also don’t print anything publicly when asked, but every once in a while I need to call on the rest of you to weigh in because this young mother needs support beyond my words so please help me uplift her:
SHE WROTE: “Neo, I feel like I have so much anger in me and dont know how to deal with it. Its just like how do I go day by day with a smile on my face around everyone but on the inside I know he damaged me. Over the years he changed me. I just hate him with all my heart first of all for hurting me and putting me through everything. And second of all for how he left me behind with these kids. Its crazy how I feel like the world is on his side but against me. But what do I do? What do I say, when time can’t be replaced. Moments are real, wish I was still, living in yesterday. Where do I go? What do I do, when everything has changed? Idk anymore. But I guess sometimes life leaves you no choice… I swear I need some type of counseling or somethin befo I go crazy nd snap da hell out… I feel.like Im loosing all of my sanity.. The only thng dats keeping me still is my kids and the love I have for them “ (NAME WITHHELD FOR PRIVACY)
MY REPLY: You have a long road ahead of you baby and right now it is even harder because you are carrying another baby. I wish I could put my arms around you and make it alright because I can feel your pain. My mother was 13 when she first got pregnant and ended up marrying him at 14 and having more with a mama’s boy who also did his share of street running.
She had 5 before she had enough of him and left him with the kids. But back then that was a no no so the families forced them back together again but only this time she came back pregnant with me. Funny thing is even after they later divorced, I was the child he raised the most. I know that doesn’t help you much right now but I just wanted you to see that life happens to a lot of people and we somehow survive.
We don’t always get the love from the places we expect, but as long as our hearts are true, life has a way of sending us the love we need. For as young as you are, your kids are from the same man you been trying to work things out with, you got a job that you go to even when you sick, and your messages to me have always been ladylike and seeking help to improve yourself.
I am so proud of you that I cannot even begin to find the words to express it. Baby I know you are hurting. I know it’s hard to understand when all you ever done was try to give your heart the right way and everybody else around you telling you to just put up with it because that’s what they put up with. But you know it ain’t right. But you also can’t live your life hating because that hate takes the beautiful you away from your kids and gives control over your life to someone who isn’t even trying to be there.
You are a smart young lady with potential beyond your years. Many many women have come from where you are right now to places in life you don’t even see as possible right now because of your pain. I would like to invite them to say something to you right now because they have something to offer that I cannot as a man just trying to be supportive. I hope you can hear them. And just like I checked in with you the other day, I want you to know that you aren’t alone. A lot of us have families that are too messed up to know any better and that is why we have to support each other to break these cycles for the sake of our kids. The best thing you are doing is reaching out. I might not be able to keep you from falling by myself, but I believe in my readers who have never let me down when I have asked for help before. It may seem easy to have little faith right now… but watch what happens… You are not alone. –Love NEO